Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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