He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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