is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
