Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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