you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
