Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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