Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
