totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
