i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
