i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
