youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
