honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
