My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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