i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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