so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
