Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
