Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
