No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
