So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
