Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
