I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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