I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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