so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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