come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize