After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
