dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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