just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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