this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
