just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
