I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
