i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize