No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
