The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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