Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
