last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
