You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
