There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
