i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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