She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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