There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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