No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
