atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
