I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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