I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
