If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
