I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
