didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
