my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
