Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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