Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
