It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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