We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
