I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
