i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
