Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
