so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
