last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
