i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
