dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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