Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
