Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
