hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
