we're blogging at a bar
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
