I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
