I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
