I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
