Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
